Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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