he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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