i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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