i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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