i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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