All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
