i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
