I wish I could teleport
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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