barbara walters just said penis...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
