You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
