I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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