Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
