Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
