I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
