Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
