Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
