How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
