thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
