Apparently you make a good broom.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
