the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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