Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
