Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
