Duck Duck Cougar?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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