either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
