I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
