YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
