I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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