awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
