Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Mom said you looked used
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
