I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
