i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
