morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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