I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
