I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
