Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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