I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
