T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Couch. On fire.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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