White coat. Heels.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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