I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
