you guys were way drunker than both of me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
