He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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