walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
