I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
