All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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