Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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