well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
