Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
