"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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