I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
