We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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