I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
