I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
