you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
