then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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