Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
