i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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